Day 23: ‘The office brunch’

I’M no longer an office-based incumbent.

However, despite now being a slippers-wearing ‘namby pamby’ freelancer, I have spent the majority of my working life to date in an office environment, seven years of which in open plan council offices. 

Much like Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant once observed, the weird and wonderful variety of people in any office space, makes for entertaining viewing.

Today I was reminded about one of the key events in such an institution - ‘the office brunch’.

As I explain the scene, perhaps imagine David Attenborough’s dulcet tones, delivering my words as if he’s actually perched on the Serengeti:

“They’re just walking in now. It seems to be taking a while to take their coats off and have the first conversation of the day - primarily weather-based or the morning’s ‘dreadful’ commute.

“The rustle of carrier bags and the clink of mugs and glasses almost plays a tune. One-by-one the females pick up their carrier bags, crockery and cutlery and head for the kitchen.

“As we approach the door to the kitchen, a sound of cackling fills the air, as well as the smell of freshly brewed coffee, toast and the ping of a microwave. It quickly becomes chaotic, almost pandemonium. 

“Getting closer we can see the ‘brunch brigade’ gathering for their feed. A sociable ritual perhaps? They’re talking, while eating. We could be here for some time”

Twenty minutes pass.

“The herd is dispersing. Females with freshly washed bowls, plates and mugs head back to their desks. They appear to be turning on their computers.”

Twenty minutes later.

“Half the herd is leaving for the morning fag break. The non smokers are rising to their feet, picking up a nearby tray and heading back to the kitchen to make the first ‘round’ of the morning.”

Lunchtime will commence in an hour. There you go Mr Osborne, that’s why!